With all the change and transition in my life I got the unexpected chance to spend a few summer days with my family down in Kansas. In the past 9 years, summer has been my busiest season at work so time away with family is limited, especially due to the distance.
On Wednesday, I had the chance to take my youngest niece Maddie to swimming lessons. After reviewing the things they learned the day before the instructor began to teach Maddie how to blow out air under water instead of just holding her breath. Maddie was all over blowing out of her mouth, but figuring out how to blow air out of her nose was a little more challenging. She did okay but when she came up was a little frustrated. The instructor was so kind and quick to encourage her:
“It’s okay. It’s your first time, you don’t have to be perfect.”
And they went on and kept learning. That was it.
As I sat there waiting for swimming lessons to end (and made plans to go get ice cream after with my niece), I thought about the comment from the teacher. She was so quick to offer grace, encouragement, and ideas of how to keep learning.
While I’m not really nervous at all about starting a new job tomorrow, I felt in that moment by the pool that God was echoing the same lessons he taught me through the phrase “we haven’t been this way before.” It feels as if God is reminding me, even now, before the new jobs starts that I don’t have to be perfect at everything, especially the things I’ve never done before. Just because I’m capable and experienced at some things doesn’t mean I’ll understand everything. I need to ask questions and speak up.
Even while filling out some paperwork in HR last Thursday I found myself confused by some of the acronyms being thrown around. In those moments I have two choices, I can either paste a smile on and fumble my way through it oblivious to what’s actually going on or I can give myself grace to say, “It’s okay. This is my first time. I don’t have to be perfect.” and ask for help.
In the same pool where Maddie was learning to pick up rings from the bottom of the pool (and trying SO hard to remember to keep her mouth closed underwater) was a boy about 6 years older than her. Instead of practicing blowing air out of his nose like Maddie, his teacher was helping him perfect his swimming strokes to make them more efficient than they were. The 10 year old didn’t need to remember to keep his mouth closed any more. The 4 year old didn’t need to be trying to swim lengths of the pool all by herself. But the 10 year old’s lessons could only happen because at some point he spent time working on the basics.
I am so excited about this new beginning, also it’s hard to leave what I know and have learned for the last 9 years. While I left the place and job responsibilities, this isn’t a complete starting over. Rather, I get to build on and use what I already know. I get to take with me into this new job all I’ve learned about ministry and life and college students from my ministry experiences both in Buffalo and when I worked on the Student Life team in college. I won’t know everything I need to know for this new job and that’s okay, but I can depend on what I do already know, and the people around me who know more than me to fill in the gaps.
More than anything I’m depending on Jesus. Later that night after swimming lessons I was sitting with my nieces and mom while changing my phone number to be a Nebraska area code. My older niece commented “You’re getting a new phone number?!?” To which I replied “yes.” She responded, “And a new house? And a new job? And a new EVERYTHING?!?”
Yes, dear Karlie, it doesn’t feel like EVERYTHING is new right now. But there is also peace. As I’ve completely given up my plans of what I thought my life would look like, I’m stepping into His plans which I’m sure will be greater than I can imagine. He knows I haven’t been this way before. He knows “it’s my first time” at a lot of things and I might need some space for learning and failure along the way. He knows more about me than I even know about myself. He knows. I can rest in that.
In my nearly 2000 miles of driving over the last week and a half, I’ve listened to a lot of music and podcasts. Here are two quotes I stumbled upon, one from a song and one from a teaching, that have echoed in my soul the last few days. I actually woke up with this song in my head this morning:
Why do I doubt the things You promised
When Your truth has never failed before
’Cause Your ways are infinite, mine are limited
You give life and I want to start living it
I will put my trust in You
I’ll take my whole world
Put it into Your hands
I’m so tired of my plans
I’m giving it all to You
Lord, take my whole life
It is mine no longer
You have always been stronger
I’m giving it all to You” – Song by Carrollton
A pretty good anthem for this season, if you ask me! It goes on to say in the bridge:
“If it’s not Your plan
I don’t want it
I don’t want it
Take my hand
I’ll keep walking
I’ll keep walking”
And that’s what I’ve done. Each day for the last few months… just keep walking. One foot in front of the other doing the next thing in front of me. Or as Dory would say “Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming. Swimming Swimming Swimming Swimming.” And this quote from James Bryan Smith is a mantra to repeat each step or stroke of the way:
“I am one in whom Christ delights and dwells. I live in the strong and unshakable kingdom of God. The kingdom is not in trouble and neither am I.”
Swim on dear friends. Whatever new is in front of you this week, give yourself grace if it’s not perfect the first time. Your value and worth depends 0% on your performance but rather is secure, strong and unshakeable. You are one in whom Christ delights and dwells. That’s what really matters!