For those of you who are still getting to know me out here in NY, you will soon learn that I love music (and writing really long blogs). I love playing my guitar. I love attempting to play piano. I love writing songs. I love listening to music (of many kinds). I simply enjoy music. Whether playing, listening to it live, or jammin’ out to the radio in the car, music just seems to convey life in a way that doesn’t happen any other way.
Recently, I’ve enjoyed listening to Francesca Battistelli’s CD called My Paper Heart. While many of her songs are awesome, one in particular, “I’m Letting Go” stuck out to me today and seems to fit my crazy life the past few months.
Check out some of the lyrics from this song:
This is a giant leap of faith Trusting and trying to embrace the fear of the unknown
Beyond my comfort zone
Chorus: I’m letting go of the life I planned for me and my dreams
I’m losing control of my destiny
It feels like I’m falling but that’s what it’s like to believe
So I’m letting go
Giving in to your gravity
Knowing You are holding me I’m not afraid
Feels like I’m falling and that’s what it’s like to believe
Feels like I”m falling and this is the life for me
“Trying to embrace the fear of the unknown.” This phrase triggers many thoughts for me.
I think of my friend’s blog post that I read this morning talking about how instead of shrinking back in fear we can have courage to stand firm and go through whatever scary experience life brings us.
I think about the fear I’ve unconsciously let myself be held captive by this past week and the peace in being set free from it.
I think about the “What-ifs” and “How’ll” that were mentioned in staff devotions on Tuesday… and the many “Whatifs” and “How’lls” I’ve been asking:
- “What if I fail this year on my internship?” (While a ridiculously broad worry and very unlikely, I know that all of you, my intern friends out there, have had this thought cross your mind!)
- “How will I have enough money to pay for tuition and then after this, how will I ever get my student loans paid off?
- ”What will happen after internship?” (Kind of long term… maybe I should at least let my worries be more time appropriate. 🙂
On and on I could go listing one after another, but they all really can be summarized by this one:
“What if God really ISN’T enough for me?”
Well, when you put it that way, it seems really ridiculous to even think about. Of course God is enough… He’s GOD!!! But I still question and I still worry and long to understand!
That’s where we get back to why I love this song so much. It doesn’t ignore the uneasy feeling that often remains when trying to trust in our Almighty God, the Ultimate Provider, Comforter, and Friend. We want to trust, but many times, trust really does make us feel like we’re falling….but, as the song says…
“That’s what it’s like to believe”
And it ends saying that “this is the life for me.”
As God’s children, we are called sometimes to a crazy life… not one of security and complete understanding of how God will make everything work, but rather one of freefall trust… taking that “leap of faith” and … giving in to “God’s gravity.” In 1 Peter, God even tells us that we shouldn’t be surprised to face times when it’s hard to believe: “Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial that you are suffering as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice that you participated in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed” (4:12-13)
Below are some other verses that I’ve found helpful recently in this “freefall” called trust. Maybe by holding onto these and the rest of God’s Word we can let God get rid of our fear and replace it with peace in knowing that He really DOES have everything in control.
God, please grant us the grace to be able to let go and believe! AMEN!
Isaiah 46:3-4 “Listen to me… you whom I have upheld since you were conceived, and have carried since your birth. Even to your old age and gray hairs I AM HE. I am he who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you.”
Hebrews 2:14-15 “Since the children have flesh and blood, he too shared in their humanity so that by his death he might… free those who all their lives where held in slavery by their fear…”
Hebrews 4:16 “Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.”
Matthew 6:25,27,33 “Therefore, I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body what you will wear. … Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? … Seek first His kingdom and His righteousness and all these things will be given to you as well.”
(The pictures are of me and a fellow camp counselor climbing to the top of a 50 foot pole and then jumping off a couple summers ago at camp. They just seemed to fit with this blog.)